Scary Sexer

June 11th, 2007 . by contemptster

All right, put everything on. Now! I know we just undressed, but you need to put the band-aids on all of the places I marked with a red pen. Good. Now put on the rubber band. Yep, you know where. There ya go, triple loop it. Get a snug fit around there until it feels like the circulation is becoming weak. Great, now that you have it around your finger, you’ll remember to let me put one around your testicles later.

Here’s the drill: every time I let you inside me, I’m going to need you to scream, “Just like a band aid!” and pull out really fast. Then tear a band aid off—follicles and all—and put it on my body. Once the band aids are covering me, we’ll take my dog for a walk in the park.

Contempty says: Scary Sexer, you put me in a most awful quandary. Perhaps I’ve just met you and your games seem novel and terrifying, but who am I to stave off intimacy in any of its forms?

Maybe I feel uncomfortable and you’re too new a partner for me to be completely honest. I don’t want to seem too closed off to new ideas, but why can’t you just sex me up sitcom style? Making me give you head while you rabbit punch me and tell me “Munch n’ Crunch, bitch!” is intimidating. Perhaps you could pat instead of punch or scream the occasional words of encouragement.

Scary Sexer, you make me feel so fragile. Scary Sexer, you make me long for the less frightening days on my own of autoerotic asphyxiation with an anaconda.

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