Loud Chewer
May 9th, 2007 . by contemptster
(SMACK) I am someone (CRUNCH) who really enjoys a meal (GURGLE, SWALLOW). People have said that when I eat it sounds like a dog devouring a jar of peanut butter. Here’s a little pop quiz to figure out if you’re a loud chewer like me.
When you chew your food, does it sound like:
A) Walking in damp socks and shoes
B) Mashing raw meatballs in your hands
C) Wet, sloppy, vaginal sex
D) All of the above
If you answered D, then you’re among friends. Pass the corn on the cob.
 |
Contempty says: If you answered D, then you should either:
A) Switch to an all smoothie diet |
For more horrendous public behavior, click here.
While you’re there, check out the Stealth Farter.
Contempt-o-meter
Vote here!
(6 votes, average: 8.83 out of 10)
Loading ...
The guy in the cube next to me cracks open a soda every morning and takes a loud SLURP every damn time!
Ugh… these people drive me insane. This was actually one of the very first Contemptsters we wrote when we came up with the idea for the site almost 20 years ago. You should pour out the guy’s soda everyday when he gets up from his desk. Maybe he’ll think he already drank it.
10 out of 10. I hate these ass-goblins with a seething passion. What ever happened to the days when parents taught children to chew with their mouth closed? Never mind “bad manners”… this should be punishable by public sodomy.