Boss Who Pretends to be One of the Guys
April 1st, 2007 . by contemptster 
All right, self, it’s almost 6 o’clock. Don’t panic. Just act natural…
But we’re socially awkward!!
Shut up! I said don’t panic! We will find something to do tonight if it kills us. As long as we don’t have to go home to the wife and kids everything will be fine.
Why don’t we have a mistress? We’re a VP for Christ’s sake. Ted is an assistant VP and even he’s got one.
There’s no use crying about it now. We’re on a mission. Look, there’s a group of young go-getters. Let’s see what they’re up to. Just be cool. Act like you’re one of them, as if you couldn’t ruin their entire careers on a whim.
“Hey, fellas, where we goin’ tonight?”
Good job, self. The “fellas” said we’re here for a good time and “goin” was just casual enough.
“I sure could go for a beer. Maybe even a titty bar to end the night. What’s the plan?”
Careful, we’re sounding desperate. Titty bar was too much.
“Any of you see the big game last night? I can’t believe that idiot coach!”
Bail out! Bail out! They’re onto you! Look at them trying not to laugh. They want to laugh at us! We’re a vice president, dammit! We could squash them each like a bug! Time to reassert our authority.
“Feingold, if I’m not mistaken you have a cost report due on my desk first thing in the morning. I suggest each of you start learning to pull all nighters or you won’t last very long here. Consider that free advice.”
Well done, self. Well done.
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