Ugly Stripper

Hey, handsome. It was dead in here until you showed up. You want a lap dance? I know how to make you feel gooood. No? What’s wrong? You don’t like me? (Pouty face) Are you secretly thinking my pouty face somehow makes me look uglier? I understand. In a room full of below average naked gyrating women, I look like the deformed cousin none of them wants to be seen with.

What if I show you my tube sock-like breasts? Still nothing? Is it because I forgot to shave my back today? Maybe it’s the spider veins on my legs. Oh wait, those are actual spiders. Or perhaps it was the fact that when I was dancing on the main stage you could smell my cooch from inside the men’s room…

Well if you want me, honey, you know where to find me: Crying in the fetal position next to the dumpster out back.

Contempty Says: Here’s the facts, fellas. Ugly strippers work harder. Close your eyes and think happy thoughts.

For more obnoxious people you encounter when hitting the town, click here.
While you’re there, check out the Party Buzzkill.

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