contemptster

Spitting

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Fuse Lights Up Our World

To brag, Contemptster was mentioned on the music channel FUSE’s “Teen Angst, Guy Liner, and Sweat Band Showcase” also known as The Sauce. That’s right, PREMIUM CABLE MUTHA EFFAHZ! We even have the video to prove it: Thanks to FUSE for the plug! It was, to use the lingo of a typical FUSE viewer, super cool [...]

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Clobamtin Duke it Out (again)

Click here to add your own caption to this photo of the latest Clinton/Obama debate.

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Contemptster Signs Six Figure Book Deal on 1st Anniversary!

It’s been one year since we launched this site, but finally it pays dividends. We have agreed to write a book. Thank you, Little Brown. So it took a full year as opposed to a few months like some other blogs. Big deal. Our site’s not as good, but please don’t tell that to our [...]

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Fashion Label Whore

“You look fabulous! Who are you wearing?” “Well, the top is Calvin. I just love Calvin. The sunglasses are brand new Marc Jacobs. The capris I picked up at Dolce and the boots from Prada. They’re gorgeous and I just had to have them. This bag, of course, is Louis. Oh, and this is a [...]

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Party Buzzkill

Dude, this rooftop bar is tha-shiiit! It’s such a nice night out. Oh, what’s that a whiskey sour? Yeah that’s going to give you a hangover. I would’ve gone with something with a clear liquor—not as many toxins. Such a nice night out. Man, 9/11, what was that shit [...]

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Myspace Whore

Wow! Another friend request from a random guy! I know I have 1,952,318 friends, but I have a feeling this guy is the one. He clearly asked to be my friend because of my personality and not the bikini picture where I’m sucking on a Popsicle and you can see part of [...]

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Middle-Aged Mom Who Dresses Like Teen Daughter

I’m just gonna put this right out there for ya: I’m a M.I.L.F. I see the way my daughter’s boyfriends look at me. Yep, still got it. I’ve managed to go from being the whore in high school to a respectable single parent holding down a job and a mortgage. Sure I [...]

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Movie Theater Dick

Yeah, I’ll answer my cell phone while I’m in a movie theater. Come on, man, that’s clichéd. Talking on the phone is the standard sign that you’re a movie theater dick. I’ve done it and I’m proud of that. I’m special and no one’s going to tell me to be quiet. [...]

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Pop Culture “Expert”

When Entertainment Tonight, Extra!, or Access Hollywood need a go-to celebrity ass kisser, I’m the one they call. I’m an expert on all things pop culture. Why do we need experts to cover things that anyone with a television and half a brain can figure out on their own? That’s the beauty [...]

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