False Advertising Chick

February 29th, 2008 . by contemptster

Ladies, I have all the secrets to getting a man. Take it from a woman, nothing attracts men like false advertising.

If you have small boobs like I do, push them up, pad them, hoist them with weights and pullies and smoosh them together with duct tape. Get clever with any extra skin you may have. Guys like curves, ladies, so pretend you have some. Think: “What would a female, flat-chested McGuyver do?”

It won’t be long before you’re getting ogled and whistled at. At that point, you should have no problem picking any man of your choosing. Should the action progress to the bedroom, make sure you’ve padlocked the doors and painted the windows shut because once he finds out he’s been duped, that man WILL try to escape.

Remember, I said I knew how to get a man, not how to keep one.

Contempty Says:Ladies, false advertising is counterintuitive. Don’t reel us in with the promise of bountiful bosoms just to reveal that you’re sporting a pair of mosquito bites, no pun intended.

This line of reasoning is the same genius thinking that has you all telling us you’re younger than you actually are. Newsflash: When you say you’re younger, but you look older, it just tells us you are aging POORLY.

When it comes to finding and keeping a man, honesty is the best policy.

That and blow jobs. Those work, too.

For more awful public behavior, click here.
While you’re there, check out White Chicks and Gang Signs.

Contempt-o-meter
Vote here! 1 bar