Thank god Apple sent me an email reminder to seek out the nearest Apple store to shell out $500 and ludicrous phone charges on a new iPhone today. I hadn’t heard anything about this phone. Eff you Apple and your spam. You should know better that people hate junk mail seeing how you’re so intuitive and all.

More Mac Week 2007!
iPhone Mad Libs!
iTool
MadTV Spoof

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I wrote earlier how I was looking forward to the first iPhone mugging. I had know idea it was going to happen on live television. The “mugger” actually goes for the reporter’s microphone, but other sources are reporting it as an iPhone mugging. Well, now it loks like they’re taking it back. Anyway, here’s the video. First one quick comment: People who have issues with Fox News stop harassing them. If you have problems with the channel don’t watch it, don’t let them play victim by attacking them, and don’t give them the moral high ground. Just ignore Fox News, they’re preaching to the choir anyway, so don’t worry about them. Tangent over. Here’s the video.

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June 29, 2007

-The grand finale for Mac Week ‘07 has arrived! The Contemptster of the Day, Mac Devotee, will surely be standing smugly in line at an Apple store near you! Also, keep checking in because we’ll be debuting brand new hilarious features in the coming weeks.

-The wildly popular Friday blog series, Premature Exasperations, drops today. It’s content is as unexpected and shameful as a high school pregnancy! Also, scroll down the main page for recent blog entries. Keep checking in during the day for updates. To catch up on past blogs, scroll all the way down on the main page and click on More Contemptster Blogs.

- Get your two cents in for this week’s poll question which asks, “Will you be buying an iPhone?”

-Misery loves company so tell us what you have contempt for. You can comment and vote to your heart’s desire below all blogs and Contemptsters. If you’re feeling extra participatey, submit your own content from vids to pics to original blogs and we’ll post them, give you credit and link to your site if you have one.

-Visit us on Myspace. Feel free to leave comments, videos, pics and feedback.

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In honor of the release of the iPhone, this week’s Premature Exasperations thought it would be fun to play Mad Libs. Mac adds an “i” before any word or product and it REVOLUTIONIZES them. Let’s see what zaniness ensues with “i” addition in:

iMad Libs: An Early Adopter’s Quest for an iPhone
By Bryan

The iRon Sheik going off!

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Yesterday was a big day for us here at Contemptster because we were featured on the front page of Shoutwire and TorrentSpy. Because of this we received over 1000 hits for the first time in site history. Considering we had a little over 7,000 total hits in the three months prior it was a pretty good day. I think we even made 19 cents in advertising. So thanks for all who “shouted” up our Pseudo Punk Contemptster. If you want to Shout it go here.

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Kill away boys. Kill away.

Story via Yahoo!

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There’s a guy who’s been standing in line since 5AM Monday morning for an iPhone. Here’s the link to the site documenting this idiocy. And here’s a link to the video interview of the man. This video is a must watch. A few things that stand out are:

1)He’s not the sharpest tool in the shed. Oh, he’s a tool alright, but he’s more large mallet than hedge shears if you know what I mean.

2)He’s a Yankees fan. First this disaster of a 2007 season, and now you have this idiot representing you. He does sound slightly smarter than Johnny Damon though, but that’s not saying much.

3)He doesn’t own an iPod or a Mac! He doesn’t even seem to know much about the iphone.

I’m going to quote a guy I read in the comments on Gawker the other day, “when is that asteroid coming?” Not soon enough.

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We’re taking a break from Mac Week 2007! for a minute in order to preview Fucking Bitch Week 2007! coming to your screens later this summer. Our whey protein guzzling contributor Bryan submitted this Hardball segment with Anne Coulter. Anne is her usually arrogant, obnoxious self as she argues with John Edward’s wife.

As much as Anne claims she hates Hollywood, she sure has mastered the Hollywood Boulevard Hooker Chic look. It looks like she even borrowed Tom Cruise’s sunglasses from Rain Man. It’s a sweet get up to be sure, but it doesn’t steal the show. No Bryan’s 20/10 vision caught something else in the background around the 1:30 mark. Check out the woman in the G.O.P. female uniform: white pantsuit and pearls. True, the G.O.P. may be against smuggling illegal aliens into the country, but what’s their stance on smuggling raisins? Or maybe it was the cold shrill of a voice emanating out of Anne Coulter nasal passages that brought things standing to attention.

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What’s a Tuesday without Toolsday? I say Tuesday would be the second day of the shit work week without Toolsday. Luckily, my steal trap of a brain remembered that today is Tuesday as well as Toolsday so we won’t have to think of the horrible possibility of a Tuesday without Toolsday until I almost forget to post a Toolsday post next Tuesday. Wow, I shouldn’t have done that last bump of speed. The first four were tight, but that fifth, DAMN!

Anywho, it’s Toolsday and seeing how it’s Mac Week 2007! and all today’s Tool Room inductee is coming from the world of Apple. Hot off last summer’s three month long advertising blitz/one week stay in theaters bomb, Accepted, your Tool today is one Justin Long.

Justin Long was conceived during and his name inspired by the Tampa Bay Buccaneers 1977 season. His parents, rabid Bucs fans, knew they couldn’t name their son Thirdin’, so they settled on the more “accepted” name of Justin. Summers in Rangoon, luge lessons, and all of a sudden Justin was all grown up and (cough) Waiting… to hit the big time. Some dodgeball here and a tour de force performance in Wake Up Ron Burgundy there, and his big role finally came a callin’ – Apple shill. With his barely-there, midnight shadow facial hair, a “where the fuck do I know that guy from?” popularity, and hooded sweatshirts galore Justin made for the perfect corporate mouth piece.

Justin’s about to hit it big with his performance in the soon-to-be summer blockbuster, Live Free or Die Hard. Not since Rob Schneider teamed up with Jean-Claude Van Damme in Knock Off has a sidekick been so out classed by his leading actor, but that’s a burden Justin will have to bear. But his biggest offense, the one that lands him here in the Tool Room, are his smug I’m-better-than-you, typical-Apple-superiority-bullshit advertisements that air every five fucking minutes on TV. You’re a Mac, I KNOW I FUCKING GET IT! But you’re also becoming the bane of my television viewing. Although, is Apple hiring you back?

Welcome to the Tool Room Justin. If Apple doesn’t want you, we sure as heck do. Stay cool brova!


Previously on Mac Week 2007!
Intuitive iPhone Features
Why I Hate My iPod
MadTV Spoof

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