Earth Hater
Let me start off by saying I LOVE Al Gore. He was SO convincing as someone who genuinely cares about saving our PRECIOUS environment. Those capitalizations I’m emitting are sarcasm, by the way. Just because global warming is the new “it cause” doesn’t mean you’ll find me reducing my carbon emissions one iota. Ya hear that, Bill Maher? I’m measuring in iotas! Continued… >>
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It’s been one year since we launched this site, but finally it pays dividends. We have agreed to write a book. Thank you, Little Brown. So it took a full year as opposed to a few months like some other blogs. Big deal. Our site’s not as good, but please don’t tell that to our publisher.
What does this mean for you? Sorry, but there are a few things:
1) Fewer posts as we’ll be hard at work on the book. Did I mention we were writing a book?
2) Lesser quality posts as the good stuff will have to be saved for the book, but there will be plenty of Premature Exasperations (kidding, Bryan! Written your chapter yet?)
3) We won’t return you emails, read your emails, or check email as we’ll be time strapped with our book’s deadline.
4) Mo’ money, mo’ problems.
5) The Founder will have an even bigger head.
Thanks to all of you who’ve supported the site. We couldn’t have done it without you.
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(2 votes, average: 10 out of 10) Loading ...“You look fabulous! Who are you wearing?”
“Well, the top is Calvin. I just love Calvin. The sunglasses are brand new Marc Jacobs. The capris I picked up at Dolce and the boots from Prada. They’re gorgeous and I just had to have them. This bag, of course, is Louis. Oh, and this is a scarf I found at a flea Market while vacating in Paris.
“The pretentiousness? That I was born with.”
Related: From Jezebel.
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Contempty says: If you think that the initials on your sunglasses or purse somehow make you a better person, you are sadly mistaken. In fact (and this is going to come as a huge surprise to you), your dependence on designer fashion labels is like a giant neon sign pointing out all your insecurities and self-esteem issues.
Everyone can see your pre-teen chubbiness written all over that oversized Louis Vitton purse. And that cute guy who rejected you in high school because you found out he said your nose was too big… yeah, we know about him and how your D&G sunglasses help you to forget that it ever happened, like some kind of designer lobotomy. And clear as day, we can all see your desire to be the center of attention despite the fact that you have no personality or any other qualities that would otherwise make you stand out in a crowd. So the next time you want to show off that expensive new designer piece of shit you’ll be paying interest on for the next four years, remember: we know who you really are. |
For more everyday assholes, click here.
While you’re there, check in with Fashion Label Whore’s close friend Designer Bag Girl.
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(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...Dude, this rooftop bar is tha-shiiit! It’s such a nice night out. Oh, what’s that a whiskey sour? Yeah that’s going to give you a hangover. I would’ve gone with something with a clear liquor—not as many toxins.
Such a nice night out. Man, 9/11, what was that shit about? I remember I saw the towers fall. That shit was crazy. Man, could it be any nicer out? Twin towers, saw that shit from a rooftop not too much unlike this one. Oooh looks like you got a stain there. Again, should’ve gone with something lighter than that whiskey.
This is fun. Who do you know here? Oh you went to college with that girl? Nice, nice. Yeah college was a blast, right? I remember smokin’ bomb kush back in the day and just getting fucked up! Speaking of bomb, what’s with all of these kids killing each other in college now? Fucked up shit, man. Back in my day kids would never just go in and shoot other kids with guns, I mean maybe a fist fight, BAM BAM, but never would get guns involved. All of that senseless bloodshed, man, really makes you think. PAR-TAY!
For more recreational dick holes, click here.
While you’re there, enjoy a flick with the Movie Theater Dick.
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Wow! Another friend request from a random guy! I know I have 1,952,318 friends, but I have a feeling this guy is the one. He clearly asked to be my friend because of my personality and not the bikini picture where I’m sucking on a Popsicle and you can see part of my nipple.
When I was younger I wasn’t very popular. The kids all called me Fatty Flatty Pig Snout. Of course that’s all changed since the stomach staples, fake boobs and nose job.
For some reason most girls don’t want to be friends with me, but that’s probably cause they’re jealous bitches. LOL!!! Whatev! All I know is 1,952,318 horny guidos can’t be wrong!
Hobbies/Diseases: Modeling, singing, herpes, cutting, carpel tunnel syndrome, dancing, shopping and TMJ disorder.
For more pop culture jerks, click here.
While you’re there, ghost ride the whip with some Hyphy Culture enthusiasts.
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(No Ratings Yet) Loading ...I’m just gonna put this right out there for ya: I’m a M.I.L.F. I see the way my daughter’s boyfriends look at me. Yep, still got it.
I’ve managed to go from being the whore in high school to a respectable single parent holding down a job and a mortgage. Sure I play it straight from 9 to 5, but the second I get home or go to the supermarket or pick Ashli up from school, I like to unleash my sexy side. All it takes is rummaging for a few minutes in her drawers to find out what’s “in.” And if she can pull it off, so can I because I made her. The only difference between Ashli’s 17-year-old, perky, flawless body and my stretch marks, razor burn, bleached mustache and tree trunk legs is one word: experience.
One day, her best years will be behind her and she’ll wake up and realize that not even total whores can compete anymore. That’s when you gotta up the ante and emulate your daughter in order to glean an iota of self-esteem.
Personal Motto: You don’t know me! I look goooood!
Hobbies: Creating Myspace pages and adding my daughter’s friends as my friends, hot flashes, using household appliances in ways they weren’t intended to be used, trying to book myself on daytime talk shows, sending semi-nude photos to school administrators
If this lady creeps you out, also check out White Chicks and Gang Signs.
There’s plenty more public behavior nightmares here.
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